When I was actively working as a literary agent and reading tons query letters and manuscripts in the slush pile, it quickly became easy to spot the good from the…well, from the not at all good.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: The number one mistake I saw aspiring authors make was submitting their book before it was truly ready.
The problem is, so, so many authors have no idea that their writing isn’t good yet. They believe that just because they have a great idea or intriguing story they want to tell that the simple act of spilling it all out on paper and pressing send will get them a book deal.
Oh how I wish that were the case.
However, since it’s not, and writing takes a lot of learning, work, and fine-tuning, I wanted to do something different with you this week. I want to teach you how to spot, and fix bad writing in your book.
So, I wrote a little scene below, and this time I’m putting you in my shoes—or an agent’s or editor’s shoes—to see if you can begin to recognize poor, novice writing. My hope is that with your editor’s brain turned on in a different way, you can locate places where your writing sags in your own book.
Let’s get to it.
Tabitha Bates’s eyes fluttered open when the sun came through the window. She yawned and stretched, until she remembered where she was supposed to be that day: the reading of her father’s will. And she was already running late.
She jumped out of bed, brushed her teeth and got dressed, while remembering what her father last said to her before he died: “Tabby I know you and Ben have your issues, you have always fought like cats and dogs since you were little kids, but you have to remember that he’s your brother and he needs you just like you need him. Be nice to each other.”
Ha, as if she would be nice to him, she thought. Ben was her younger brother, born only two minutes after her and they were like oil and water. While Ben had his life together, Tabby’s life was a mess and he never let her forget it.
One time, when they were kids, Tabby wanted to swim in the park fountain, and so she took off her shoes and waded right in, chasing the ducks. While Ben sat there, urging her to come out. His eyes were round as saucers and finally, when he couldn’t take it any longer, he left, coming back with dad, who had been reading a book by the big oak tree.
“Get out of there this instant,” Ben said, but Tabby refused. Until Dad made her.
In the car she fought traffic, sweating until she reached the brown lawyer’s office building.
“Sorry I’m late, I overslept,” Tabby said to the room.
Ben was there, his suit immaculate.
“Thank you for joining us, Tabitha,” said the lawyer. “We were just getting started.”
He read a lot of legal jargon then got to the part Tabby had been waiting for: the beach house. Tabby wanted that house to be hers. Dad had always told her one day it would be, that he liked seeing her kids play at the beach. And she needed it. Now more than ever.
“The home at 123 Driftwood Lane will go to Benjamin Smith.”
Tabby’s jaw dropped to the floor. How could it possibly go to Ben? Tabby felt rage boiling inside her at the news.
“No. Dad always told me I’d get the house. He promised.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Tabitha calm down,” Ben said, making Tabby’s hands ball into fists.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. You always get everything you want and I get nothing. Ever since we were little kids you tried to boss me around and I’m not going to let you do that now. Stop it, Ben. There has to be a mistake”
“Mrs. Bates, I’m afraid the will is iron-clad.”
“No, no, no, you don’t understand. I need that house. My kids need that house.”
“I’m sorry, your father’s instructions were quite clear.”
Tabby sobbed until she was blue in the face.
Okay, what do you see? Or, more importantly, what do you feel?
Believe it or not, I saw this kind of writing All. Dang. Day. as a literary agent. And while it’s not riddled with typos, misspellings, or loads of grammatical errors, it’s not really good writing. It’s legible, sure, but if you’re looking to move hearts and minds or land an agent or editor…then your writing must be more than merely coherent.
Here’s the thing. Inexperienced writers make many of the same mistakes over and over. The problem is that they often do it with what has the potential to be a fascinating, gripping scene or premise.
The one I wrote above, for example, has that potential. It’s an interesting situation: the reading of the will, in which a woman expects she’ll receive her father’s house, but it goes to her brother—with whom she has a tumultuous relationship—instead. In the hands of a strong writer, it might be fraught with tension, and yet, while you read this, did you actually feel anything?
My guess is no.
Why? Because of so many common mistakes.
Here’s what I’m seeing, the biggest, most concerting, story-level problems in bold:
· No character: There’s almost no real details that show us who this character is and, more importantly why she wants or “needs” what she wants.
· Lacking interiority/too much narrative distance: We are too removed from this character and have no idea why she feels the way she does, what she’s thinking.
· No stakes: It’s unclear what is on the line for this character in getting her father’s beach house. Why does she need it? What happens if she doesn't get it?
· Cliché beginning: Opening with a character waking up is tired, overdone, and not very exciting.
· Cliché language: “Eyes as big as saucers,” “sobbed until she was blue in the face,” “fought like cats and dogs,” “etc. Cliché language is boring, lacks freshness, and no longer evokes enough emotion or imagery when we read it.
· Author intrusion: Moments in which it’s clear that the author is trying to convey information to the reader, versus the information occurring in a natural, organic way. (“Tabby I know you and Ben have your issues, you have always fought like cats and dogs since you were little kids, but you have to remember that he’s your brother and he needs you just like you need him. Be nice to each other.”)
· Boring, stilted dialogue that sounds unnatural or doesn’t really add much to the story.
· Misuse of flashback: Pointless backstory that halts the action and conveys very little that’s important to the story
· Mistakes in time and space: When the author jumps in and out of the past and present but fails to signal the reader with a time- or place-stamp. It can feel very confusing and disorienting as a reader.
· More telling, less showing: There are little to no sensory, concrete, or specific details that enliven the scene, and there’s no real meaning behind things.
If you’d like to see my breakdown—or a rough sample edit (though I promise I’m much gentler with my clients)—of this scene, check it out here. (I highly recommend you taking a look for examples of places in which I spotted all of these mistakes.)
How would you fix this scene if you received this feedback on your novel?
I spend a lot of time talking about concepts of story—character, motivation, plot, setting, etc.,--because mastering story is crucial to writing a great novel…but without certain fiction-writing skills coupled with prose skills, your book will still feel half-baked. Even with all the components of a great story.
You can plot to your heart’s content. But if you don’t know how to actually write gripping scenes, your book will fall flat.
So this week, I want you to ask yourself: Does your manuscript make any of these common mistakes?
Next week I’ll be back with my revision, showing you how to fix these common mistakes. I can’t promise my revised scene will be Pulitzer Prize-quality writing, but I hope you’ll see how to take something that’s flat, cliché, and ultimately, pretty dang boring, and make it into something that readers can actually picture and connect with.
Until next week, happy writing!
I hope you’re having a productive summer. I’d love to hear about some of the tools (books, podcasts, movies, tech, etc.) that you’re loving right now, and that are making your life easier as you write your book. Reply to this email and let me know!
And, as always, let me know if you need help untangling a plot point. You can book a free 30-min story strategy chat here.
Happy Writing!
Karyn
How to spot poor writing like an agent